Thursday, December 31, 2009

End of the year Opportunity

The end of the year means a new start to most of us. It's an opportunity to start anew and make resolutions for the new year. A new year brings a new you. But, it's also an opportunity to reflect and be thankful for what you have and what you are.

Are you in good health? Do you have a job? Are you loved? Do you have family and friends you care about? It's time to close the book but remember what happened in this chapter. Here's to an even better 2010.

Mother Barry

PS Starting tomorrow I am going to give up sweets, drink less, eat more green things, plant a garden and run 10 miles a day- I'll stop lying to myself on Saturday when this buzz wears off.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Dollars and $ense

How come I got a bill for $0.18? It's from a long distance provider I no longer use and apparently I had a service charge that was pro-rated for the year coming out to less than a quarter. Now I know big companies cannot take right offs for every little bill but think about the math for a minute. The postage to send me the bill was more than the bill. The check I will write is going to be more than the bill and the stamp is more than double the bill. So, I might count out 18 pennies and put them in the envelope. Of course, some poor fool would have to process and count my change and I can't do that to anyone in good faith. I wonder if I don't pay if it would go to collections? It could accumulate decades of interest charges and I could lose my good credit rating.

Monday, December 28, 2009

the Gym Chronicles

Dear Old Cougar Lady at the Gym:
I am most happy for you that you have a flat stomach and some abs. However, I don't want to see your c-section scar. You should cover up. It is not appropriate to wear your sports bra as a top. I have on spanks but they're covered up under this XXL Detroit Tee. Seriously, I know it's in style to be a cougar or a milf but you look like an old hooker.

Day two of working out: Tried to row. Fell off backwards. Yelled something that sounded like this as I crashed against the wall Gyawd Daym. Found a chair that you sit in- thought this might be more my speed of a workout. However, when you sit in this chair you are spred from Monday - Thursday like you went in the gynochronologist ( you go to the gynochronologist just to see how old your vagina really is). Then you push your legs together. This is supposed to work your inner thighs. I felt like a huzzy tramp and no body bought me a steak dinner. I am already sore so my vagina may write me a dear jonn letter tomorrow.

This whole gym thing is a real sub-set of American culture. It's a mating grounds for people who can't go to bars.


We all have secrets. There are things we've all done that we aren't proud of. There are things I do that I don't think is anyone else's business. There are things you do that you wouldn't want me to know. But, have you ever done something you can't imagine confiding in any one?

I have loose lips and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some folks live a double life and you never know it. Sometimes it comes out and more often than not I tell everything I know. I find it freeing I guess. But there are some things you take to the grave.

I want to write down a secret and mail it in...