Friday, April 30, 2010

mutha's day

MOther's day has done snuck up on us chuldren. You may not know this about Mama but I raised myself two lovely daughters. One of em done moved up on outta here and got a fancy career. She married some body who can't stand mama so we don't speak much. The other one is crazy outta her head but Mama loves her most of the damn time.

People ask me, what makes you a successful single mother? Well, these children got fed and got out in the world. They are not currently incarcerated and I am particularly proud of that. I am even more proud when they ain't late on the rent and asking me for money for the damn light bills.

I tell you what chuldren, being a momma ain't no easy job. I look at my sister and she is raising two little babies and I think good Lord I can't do that. These babies are sweet as sugar most of the time but sometime they little children when they have a wii in their hands. I guess most kids are though. I am so thankful mine are grown, because I don't have enough nerve pills left.

What is the hardest part about being a mama? Well I would say letting go. These lil' bastards of mine held on to my uterous like it was a basketball goal. I reckon it's hard for all of us to realize our kids are grown up little people and one day they will leave us. They are little minds and will go out and make a way for themself in the world. Sometimes you don't keep a great relationship with your kids or your mama for that matter. I, myself, always thought I owned them kids but then they got out on they own.

So, I hope for Mother's Day you can mend fences if you got mad, or whatever and bring your mama a gift box set of WHITE DIAMONDS by that lady Elizabeth Taylor. Remember to tape the receipt to the bottom so your mama can return it to Wal-Mart but in the meantime she will act like it's her favorite thing next to the snuggy you gave her for Christmas.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


So the other night was an event called DINE OUT FOR LIFE which is an excuse to go someplace nice for dinner with a portion of the proceeds going to a good cause, Nashville Cares, a wonderful organization that helps persons with AIDS and educating the community. However, because I am a snarky old bitch, I couldn't help but think of slogans they could have used to promote it:

Eating out AIDS, Giving AIDS Hell

EATING for AIDS: please hold your pickle

Maybe a sticker: My pants got tight for AIDS?

"Oh damn this AIDS food is good?"

Yes, I am tacky and I would never make fun of any person but it's fun to make fun of words isn't it? And of course, the halibut was asking for it.

Did I go too far?