Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
If I were writing for the NewYorker and if I believed in subtitles it would say:
I spent 13 hours getting no where. 4 airlines; 3 delays and 2 cancelations
passengers bill of rights, is non-refundable. I hate the airlines. If I ran my business that way I would be defunct... however we have to learn to be better passengers to each other.
THERE ARE 4 SiMPLE AiRline RULES:
1* Please do not pass gas. It is a small confined space and the smells are toxic. If no one guesses it was you, you still don't win. The same goes for number two in the lavaratory - wait damn it. The same goes for obnoxious food odors. Just because you want to eat it, doesn't mean I want to smell it for hours with no windows and recirculated air. Pizza hut "the works" tastes good to you but it doesn't sit too well with me in 19C
2* It is beyond rude to recline your seatback in COACH. The seats should not recline at all. I sustained a shattered hip and a broken fibulah I am sure. As soon as I find it and remove it from my pelvis, I will know if it is broken or dislocated. I didn't sign up for yoga 10,000 feet up. Worse yet. I only had pretzels and peanuts to comfort my pain.
3* No making out. While it may sound porno-hot, it is not a good idea. you are a spectacle for the poor fool in 19C who is forced to share the isle with the amorous couple- lucky me
4* DO NOT lean across the isle to stare out the window on the opposite side from you. Now I can imagine how disturbing this must feel for little newborn babies. Get out of my damn face with your big head and stupid face.
Bonus: dont bitch about your flight. odds are your co-passenger's wasn't any better and they don't give a fuxx about your layover or how you have something important to do that day. shove it. we are all strapped into the same gigantic aluminum suppository with wings hurling us above the earth at firey speeds. get a damn book and shut up
***my theory of the universe is that for every bad thing, you are due one good thing to come around. afterall it is the bad things that make the good things feel so good***
I am fairly fond of that transition... I am not fond of Tiger Woods. We need to get up off Tiger because too many people have been on top of him. The real victim as we all know is his family. I tell you one thing- when my Grand Mame found out Grandpa had been "going out on her" she tossed a pot of boiling beans on his head at the dinner table. Now, I don't condone violence- at all- not one bit. But, I think the greatest punishment for Mr. Woods is to leave him alone- forget all about him. I hope his wife can move on, too. It's not about net worth- it's about self worth.
And more importantly... stop giving publicity to the Ho's. Every good ho knows you keep it on hush-hush. Again, the best thing we can do is forget about these trashy slurts. I'm going to let you in on a little secret here- some juicy tid bids for my reader(s), I too had once been a ho. There's a time or two MotherBarry fell into the wrong bed with the wrong person. We all make mistakes. We all fall down (or lie down as the case may be) but we didn't go after money or a movie or a spread in People. That's tacky. That's the difference in having some class or being a sloppy piece of ... you get my drift. Now, don't go and paint a mental picture of MotherBarry in a leather jacket with ripped fishnets. That was a long time ago in a far away land- we all make mistakes. I think we have all waken up in a hotel with more mascara than Adam Lambert, a beating headache and no idea where our underoos might be ... and thought, "this wasn't my best decision." If you haven't you're a better person than me and we probably wouldn't be friends unless you like to pick up the tab. But, when you've made that bad decision with 14 hookers it's time to take the trash out with the garbage.
Remember- make love not war. And, if he's married he's cheating you just like he's cheating her.