Ever wonder?

So Mama is old now. I've come to embrace the fact that my age is catching up to me. While I am fighting the battle of the bulge, I realize I will never be a size two again. I do however, have ambition that my ass won't bounce off the back of my knees when I run. What I cannot conquer is my eyesight. I gave up and got glasses, which I'd been fighting. Now, for one thing I swear my non-glasses vision is worse than ever. I think my eyes are as lazy as my ass now. But what I cannot wrap my head around is what the hell happens everyday that gets my glasses so dirty. I mean, were my eyes this dirty before I started wearing the damn things? What are those little specs of dirt? Do I sneeze that much? How come I can never just clean them with my shirt tail and not get that damn smudge? I'd like to say I'd get lasik but I'd see that money going into a lipo jar before the lasik jar. That's really all Mama has to say today. I've enjoyed plenty of holiday cheer and I am wore out behind the second weekend cheers and holiday spirits. I'm off to hit up a hot toddy and put on my night robe.