Monday, March 8, 2010

food for thought

hello chuldren.

I know you've been neglected and mother is sorry about that. I have to focus myself- I need to take my life in for a realignment. If only it were that easy to get back on track with life like they straighten the tires on my Buick.

Mother is loving the 60 degree weather, and the first glimpse of spring. I drove home tonight with the top down and the wind in my weave (One hand holding it in place the whole ride home). I think it's the warm air and the way it makes the night more friendly. Don't you notice the world in a more friendly light when it is warm out? When it's cold it seems more quiet and when it is warm it just seems like life is more alive? Is this my Chardonnay talkin?

I feel inspired. I feel the need for some change. Now, don't go and worry yourself sick. I'm not going to do anything crazy. I won't go and get bangs, or highlights or anything hair related that I have to wait to grow out. I do have a hankering to travel, or to move for that matter. I think it needs to be a big change. What should I do?

I tell you what I am not doing... dieting. I do so good for a day or two and then I go to the grocery store hungry and it all falls in my cart. This time I got some sweets and potato chips- after I told myself I would diet. So, here is the confession: it was meant with best intentions. I bought a half a pie. Have you seen those in the deli? They cut the pie in half. So, I wanted some damn pie, and it was Oscar night. I needed to celebrate my inner PRECIOUS and I ate the damn pie. Not the whole thing - but 2 slices in a 24 hour period. that is 2/3 of a half - and I don't want to do anymore math than that because it will make me sick. So, what happened to the last 1/3 you ask? I poured Dawn's dishwashing soap on it and tossed it in the kitchen trash. I was afraid if I did not ruin it with soap I might be tempted to dig through the trash like a homeless person. It's shameful, truly shameful. Imagine if someone walked by my window and saw me digging through the trash looking like Nick Nolte with a piece of fudge pie? Well, they'd have some explaining to do if they were walking through my back yard and looking in my window. Of course, if the pie face didn't scare them my bedroom attire might.

Then I moved onto Kettle Chips. In a 48 hour period I ate almost the whole bag. I didn't douse this one in soap, however because it was meant as part of my lunch this week. Only, it became lunch, brunch, dinner and everytime the phone rang in between. It's just one bag- don't over exaggerate an already sad situation. I know you're picturing me looking just like Kirstie Alley, and I have to tell you off topic: I am a big fan of her's. Anyone with that much nerve deserves some respect - or medication?

So, children, don't judge your mama. It's a hard fact to accept when you realize your idols, your parents are not perfect. I have my crutch, salt and chocolate. But, I am a respectable old broad: I've been going to bed with the same man every night for more than 20 years: Johnny Walker-Black.

So, if you're still following this rant, leave mother a message - some food for thought? What should I change? What have you changed? Can I borrow some change?

And remember honeys: there is a reason the word DIET starts with DIE and GODIVA starts with GOD.

this posting was brought to you by the (:) tonight we are a big fan of a colon and the good people at Kendall Jackson.


  1. There is a lot of truth in my favorite southern axiom: "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy",
    so, just do what it takes to keep Mama happy. :)

  2. Godiva may start with GOD but she ends with DIVA!