Monday, November 22, 2010

christians and turkeys

why are all the good Christian's trying to rush this here holiday season? I mean, half of my neighbors in the trailer park already have had a wreath up for 2 weeks on they doors. I mean, dern, people it ain't even Turkey day yet. I love Jesus and I hope to the sweet lawd he love me back honey because I have done something I ain't so proud of... but lights, bows, ribbons already? Not til after Turkey time! I mean we don't throw out a jack-o-latern immediately after we put up our big ass flags do we? I have a designated week for my pilgrim salt ad pepper shakers to earn their keep and how ridiculous does it look for me to put up my inflatable corn-o-cupia on the front yard when Claire has damn wreaths with bows and lights in trees. It looks like Opryland over there and I am just pulling out my shoes with the buckles on them and my festive turkey sweater.

And speaking of the turkey- please do not get me wrong- I have never been one to pass up a dessert table. This is the best damn holiday. No gift stress, no forgiveness, no telling somebody you may or may not love them as much as you did once before. This is all about eatin' and eatin' good. I love a holiday where you know it's time to stop because you feel sick or you might actually blow out your spanx. Eat til you cant' take another casserole bight honey child.

More importantly... a little secret to help you with the guilt and the glutony... I have never been scared of a lipo doctor- they do really have the magic wand. So, I say honey child, you best get you some seconds just make sure you got a part time job or some something-something left over in that Christmas Cash account you got secret stowed down at the credit union. Because if you pass up a second plate... the terrorists have won.

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