Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Rules of travel

Since it's Holiday Travel Time I want to let in on some fun rules of travel:
If I were writing for the NewYorker and if I believed in subtitles it would say:

I spent 13 hours getting no where. 4 airlines; 3 delays and 2 cancelations

passengers bill of rights, is non-refundable. I hate the airlines. If I ran my business that way I would be defunct... however we have to learn to be better passengers to each other.


1* Please do not pass gas. It is a small confined space and the smells are toxic. If no one guesses it was you, you still don't win. The same goes for number two in the lavaratory - wait damn it. The same goes for obnoxious food odors. Just because you want to eat it, doesn't mean I want to smell it for hours with no windows and recirculated air. Pizza hut "the works" tastes good to you but it doesn't sit too well with me in 19C

2* It is beyond rude to recline your seatback in COACH. The seats should not recline at all. I sustained a shattered hip and a broken fibulah I am sure. As soon as I find it and remove it from my pelvis, I will know if it is broken or dislocated. I didn't sign up for yoga 10,000 feet up. Worse yet. I only had pretzels and peanuts to comfort my pain.

3* No making out. While it may sound porno-hot, it is not a good idea. you are a spectacle for the poor fool in 19C who is forced to share the isle with the amorous couple- lucky me

4* DO NOT lean across the isle to stare out the window on the opposite side from you. Now I can imagine how disturbing this must feel for little newborn babies. Get out of my damn face with your big head and stupid face.

Bonus: dont bitch about your flight. odds are your co-passenger's wasn't any better and they don't give a fuxx about your layover or how you have something important to do that day. shove it. we are all strapped into the same gigantic aluminum suppository with wings hurling us above the earth at firey speeds. get a damn book and shut up

***my theory of the universe is that for every bad thing, you are due one good thing to come around. afterall it is the bad things that make the good things feel so good***

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